Thursday, August 20, 2015

Dear Retail, Let's Talk

Dear Retail, let's talk. You're making  me nervous. You know what you've done. You spent summer's halcyon days putting Halloween candy on your shelves. My friends are planning what costume to wear for Halloween. No, scratch that. They decided last month while they were waving sparklers--and nibbling Mellowcreme pumpkins.

So here we are, in mid-August, with our brains melting out of our ears because it's so incredibly hot that even the mosquitoes can't be bothered to buzz, and the Halloween candy has been on the shelves for a month.

True story: One year, I brought home autumn M&Ms in the midst of an early August heatwave. This was the exchange between Mr. Spaeth and myself:

     Me: This way I know they're really fresh!
     Mr. S: Or really old.

Some of us can't help ourselves. I'm guilty. I've already gone through a teeny tiny itsy little bag of candy corn, and I may have bought some more. I might have a cup of Autumn Cranberry tea at my hand. And there could be a bag or two of autumn-colored M&Ms on the counter.

So why am I nervous, Retail? Well, as soon as we clear Labor Day, guess what's next? GUESS! Yes, Christmas. You'll put up Christmas trees in every store, and I'll have to confront the fact that I have no idea what I did with the lights last year. I think I still have a creche somewhere, and I hope I know where Joseph is so the yellow Power Ranger doesn't have to fill in (again).

And snow. And boots. I live in the north, so you'd think I'd have this down to a science, but I go through this every year, the annual festive Boot Hunt.

But I can't worry about that now. Candy corn awaits.

And it's good to be back in JanetWorld!